5 years gone by - Happy Birthday Iksha

The first collage is prepared with the photos of this year

And this one a walk through after her birth

The effect of Taare Zameen Par

Picture speaks a thousand words, and Videos?

TV has always taken the blame of spoiling kids and here is the best example. The situation that we are facing is entirely unimaginable, it just popped up without any knowledge.

Just 2 days back Chinni's 2nd term report was shared. Me and N had been to her school to meet the class teacher. The exam books were also shared to parents so as to know the progress. Except numbering she had done well.

In the first term exam she was supposed to write 1 to 20, Chinni had written all 20 numbers. In second term she was supposed to write 21 to 70. She could hardly write a few numbers from 21 to 28 and nothing else.

Since both of us are working, we hardly get time to make her finish homework, there was no revision done. And just a day or two before the exam, N had put in much effort to revise. This was the reason I had thought of until today morning, but still worried.

When we had a look at the book, it looked like Chinni is a lot confused about a few numbers. Like 3, 7, 9. This felt like a familiar pattern. The mistake was she had written 3 and 7 ulta, as if its mirror image. And for 9, she had written P. 

After thinking about this over and over again, some shocking thoughts started coming in. Is she suffering from  Dyslexia ? Remember Taare Zameen Par ? That would have been devastating. But no, she remember a lot of numbers, identifies a lot of numbers on the streets, vehicle number plates and so on. Then what is the problem ?

Then it struck my mind. Chinni used to love TZP a lot and she has watched it at least a 100 times. Remember Ishan Avasti doing the same mistakes ? This was shocking when it struck my mind. She has repeated the same mistakes that Ishan does in the movie. What does this mean ??? The ulta numbers are printed in her mind from the movie. She had started watching the movie before even she knew writing numbers. 

Oh god, such a bad impact she has had. Blame me totally for making her watch the movie so many times. The movie is for elders and not for kids.  I really can't express, in words, how am I feeling now.

What do I do now ? I have thought of couple of solutions.
1. Make her watch the movie, sit with her and explain what is correct and what is wrong.
2. Get her some dvd's which shows her how to write the numbers.

Hope this works. This was a blunder. No wonder, we have to selectively make kids watch the tv programs.

Cheesy one liners

Got these from you tube.

Boy: Do you have a band-aid?
Girl: No, why?
Boy: Just fell in love with.

Boy: What are you doing here? Who is looking after heaven?

Boy: Can I have your contact number? I lost mine!!!

Boy: Can I have a picture with you?
Girl: why?
Boy: I can ask Santa what do I want for this Christmas.

Age matters, in hospital too

Me and N were in hospital at 11 pm yesterday, N's throat was to blame.

Doctor did a checkup and started scribbling prescription.

Doctor : name?
N : Nanda
Doctor : age?
N : 30 !!???

And she smiles with her tongue out.

Iksha's first stage performance

I was totally taken by surprise, amazed and was on cloud nine after Chinni's performance. I never knew she danced so well, it was splendid performance. 

I felt it was the best performance of the carnival, you can argue that I am biased but "No".

Chinni and group performed on three songs. Uploading all of them.

All the performance was captured using my mobile. I had taken sister's camera, but the battery went down suddenly. Hoping that I will get the footage from the professional recording.

The event was organized by the play group that she regularly goes after school. We had no clue on what all songs she is supposed to perform.

Frankly speaking, my eyes were all tears when she was dancing. She was fulfilling my 8 years old dream (the is dream still alive). Ever since I watched my first company colleagues danced at annual day function, my legs have been eager to shake. Have got a few opportunities although I am satisfied. But Chinni's dance was a cool breeze.

I have one more dream......want dance with my daughter :)

The Psychiatrists

Finally I met a Psychiatrists.

She was all ears when I was speaking, non-judgmental, poised, unbiased and that's how, I think, a wife should be !!!

I am going no where

Everything seems to be so stale, stagnant and rotting. It's not in a particular section of my life, but every bit of it. Time is just passing by. Even I seem to ignore time, knowing I wont get it back. Sometimes I feel like - let this time just pass by.

I don't find myself enthusiastic in any aspect. Have lot of pending things to take care of -

1. Swimming
2. Renovation of flat, want to shelve few furnitures and buy new ones, painting
3. Change in job, learn new technologies
4. Plan to buy Audi Q3 or Europe trip
5. Khata

Life is becoming monotonous, routine. Nothing new nor no change in routine makes it dull. Such situations are hard to tackle and come out. Time is the best healer, I believe. But then how long to wait ? 

Dad's health is deteriorating. It's beyond my reach now. Mom has given up totally. Naina is searching for the silver line. And I am lost. Brain stroke has struck him badly, making his quality of life nil. Looks like the only good thing that can happen is "The end". Hopes still survive within. 

Only statement that fits right for my situation - "All is not well"

A new stage of my life

"Life is so beautiful that Death has fallen in love with it" - Yann Martel

There is no escape from death. This is a known universal truth and people still don't accept it. I can understand the bond shared between people, the love, the affection, the memories,  a wish to have these continued for some more time......but how long ? there has to be an end, no denial, but yet there is no acceptance.

Probably I am at a stage where I am going to start witnessing the demisal of my elder generation. You, the person who is reading this post, may think I am such a heartless character, may be yes to a large extent. But then what do I do ? I don't have a control of lot of things.

16th August, I was at my mom native place. That's a place where I have received immeasurable love. My uncle, Palaxaiah, packed 30 kgs of rice packet to take it home. An hour later he was unwell and got admitted to hospital in Gadag. He went through brain surgery and never recovered. Sad to say, he had a heart attack today morning and is no more.

Yesterday evening I requested mom to prepare dosa for today's breakfast. Mom prepares dosa batter with the same rice that my uncle gave me. I normally don't ask for the next day's breakfast. But I don't know why I had an urge for dosa. Was that some kind of indication ?

Not sure if that was an indication. But surely humans tend to link occurrences, like the above one. Mom was in total denial to accept her brother's demise. The love, the affection was strong that she was asking god why didnt she get death before her brother's. She was even blaming me for not letting her to visit him all these days, when he has been hospitalized since 16th August.

I am more of practical person than emotional. For me its a little difficult situation to accept what mom commented. Or may be its the generation gap that doesn't make me think in her way.

On the other hand, Dad is going through rough tides. Don't know when he is gonna collapse.

N will have a tough time coping with me in future.

The progression

During late 2009, Dad was under going through lot of pain and suffering. He used to get fever often. Legs had swelling. Eyes were a little impaired and couple more problems. Till this time he was being treated at Kidwai hospital, Bangalore.

This continued for couple of weeks. We consulted a doctor nearby and Dad used to take medication. We had the least knowledge that this could be because of CML. Later, probably after couple of weeks more, there was a particular test done and doctor disclosed that he had developed resistant to Imatinib and the disease had progressed to Blast Crisis stage.

CML has 3 stages
1. Acute
2. Accelerated
3. Blast Crisis

The disease had jumped from Acute to Blast Crisis. And at this stage, the disease has to be treated with a medicine called Dasatinib or Sprycel. The doctor could have given a heads up explaining about further care or further course of action. I felt we had to consult a doctor who can give personal care. 

From one of our relative we got the contact of Dr Neelesh Reddy, Oncologists, Columbia Asia Hospital, Yashwantpur. Dr Neelesh did the complete case study and explained everything and possible treatment. Dasatinib was the only medicine to control at this stage. There were side effects involved with this medicine as well. Fatigue, diarrhea,  constipation, reduction in platelets are a few.

The initial days of the medication was roller coaster with Dad's health. With constant consultation he became stable and started leading a better life.

The medicine cost was Rs 1.6 lacs per month, but with a program run by Bristol Mayers, manufacturer of  Sprycel, we could get couple month's of free medicine on purchase of one.

I would mark this as a second stage of his fight with CML.

Chinni's favorite songs

Here is the list of Chinni's favorite songs which makes her droll any time of the day.

1. Hukka bar - Khiladi 786
2. Battameez dil - Yeh Jawani Hai Diwani
3. Pareshaan - Ishaaqzaade
4. Disco deewane - SOTY
5. Ishq wala love - SOTY
6. Marjaaniya - Vicky donor
7. Jiya re -  Jab tak hai jaan
8. Jile zaraa - Talaash
9. Chammak challo - Ra One
10. Hairat - Anjaana Anjaani
11. Chak de - Hum tum, in fact most of the songs from Hum tum
12. Dost hai hum to
13. Party on my mind - Race 2
14. Yeh Ishq hai - Jab we met

CML - How did it start

Weight reduced dramatically : This was the first symptom. Dad noticed his weight reduced rapidly in couple of months. I don't remember or know of any other issue  that he had faced. Probably he went down 5 to 10 kgs in two months.

Dad consulted a local doctor and got primary investigations done. His platelets count had dropped a lot. Doctor was suspicious and asked for further investigations to be carried out. He then came to Bangalore and investigations revealed that the dreaded disease had chosen another victim. He was suffering from blood cancer, medically termed as CML, Chronic myelogenous leukemia.

CML is a cancer of the white blood cells. It is a form of leukemia characterized by the increased and unregulated growth of predominantly myeloid cells in the bone marrow and the accumulation of these cells in the blood. CML is a clonal bone marrow stem cell disorder in which a proliferation of mature granulocytes (neutrophils, eosinophils and basophils) and their precursors is found.

The disease was in its initial stage. Imatinib or Gleevec as termed by Novartis, was the preferred medication. During 2002-03 a month's medicine costed around Rs 10, 000/-

Later, after several years probably in 2008-09 the medicine was being distributed from free, in India. Not sure if its available for free now throughout India.

Dad had to get preliminary investigations done every month. Basically his platelets had to be in control or should not go below 1.2 lac barrier.

That's how it all started.

The Story of a Life

It was around 4 or 5 months that I had joined THBS. EE project specific training was in progress which was about to start in a week.

Doddamma calls me and asks me to visit her home. No reasons mentioned. To my surprise, mom was already at doddamma's place. Was wondering why I wasn't I aware of her visit. Her face was dull, worried, perplexed and a mixture of so many grievances. Slowly doddamma tells me Dad is admitted to Kidwai hospital. I didn't know what was going and kept calm. She asks "do you know kidwai hospital?". I straight away replied "no" for which she answers "its cancer hospital and your dad has cancer". She didn't stop for me to react continuing "don't get angry on your parents for hiding it....it was not a bad intention".

I had no immediate reaction but slowly anger started showing up as to why was it hidden from me. There wasn't much room for my anger since dad was already hospitalized and was in need of platelets.At that moment Platelets was an alien word.

Many people came forward to donate blood. Sriki, Sheshav from Thbs volunteered. Doddappa had arranged a couple. I donated for the first time. Dad recovered in couple of days and returned back to Dwr.

This is how the story revealed around 8 years ago. But it had begun probably a year or two before.

Its been a decade now that Dad has been fighting CML. 

I just finished explaining the whole trauma of a decade with one word "fighting". It doesn't do justice. As I am writing this post at 1 am, Dad is struggling to sleep due the complexities of 2 times brain stroke in a duration of one month. The brain stroke though is not related to CML but has doubled the pain and suffering for the whole family. Even Dad's brothers shed tears looking at their younger brother.

It was very unfortunate that Dad was the victim of the brutal disease. Later I saw so many victims of Cancer, of various age and at various stages of the disease that I literally felt "we are in a better position".

I don't know my exact intentions of this post. Why would somebody sketch the pain and suffering on a blog ? A psychologist may throw some light on this. My brain seems to be bitten by a stroke as well. But the posts that are going to follow will throw some light on the symptoms,  problems, medications suggested by doctor and the progress of disease.

Dad has finally asleep. Let me get my share of sleep. This post and the forth coming ones have been pending since a very long time. The wait is over!

The Birthday Episode

Chinni observed couple of her schoolmates distributing chocolates on their birthdays. She was tempted so much that she also wanted to distribute chocolates. So she comes and makes this request and we both readily agreed. After all there is nothing wrong in giving happiness.

So sunday evening we got her a pack of Eclairs. On the way back home, we told her that its not her birthday and hence no new dress. From no-where the logic came from Chinni ... pappa got me chocolates and hence its my birthday and so I want a new dress.

I had heard of Reverse Engineering, but never applied it.

Swimming: First day experience

It was 10.30 pm, cool breeze and cold climate. And me, just in shorts, standing alone in front of the swimming pool, hesitating to step into the water. As I stepped in, each step was so difficult. The cold water was sending shivers to my spine. I took few minutes to get immersed completely. Once I was inside water, felt that water was so warm.

First day experience was all about getting into water :)

I have been into water before, but never with an intention of learning to swim. The time has finally come. It's now or never. I should be able to swim decently in couple of months. 

One time effort

I have a colleague who is into testing. This person hardly knew about java and coding. The basic things were known but just that any given task in java would be difficult to implement. By the way, QC need not know coding unless and unless testing is done properly and has domain knowledge.

Now this person was moved to automating testing some time back. This requires a bit of coding skills and understanding the existing implementation as well. Initially the person faced difficulties and used to come to me for help with logic, constructs and debugging and I used to solve the problems This person kept coming back with problems. At that moment I understood where I went wrong.

I used to solve the problems but didn't explain it. Then I started explaining
1. What the problem was
2. How did it occur.
3. How to solve it.

Over the period of time, this person rarely comes to me with issues. Did you understand why ?

The answer is - I had put an one time effort of teaching how to solve problems rather than solving them. The effort could be of one hour, one day or even a month. But it would be just one off.

The same thing applies to everybody immaterial of age. Yes, you read it right. It applies to children as well. Children will take longer time, obviously, but it would still be one time effort. 

For example: Making children have food by themselves. What we do is keep feeding the children for various  reasons. The reasons could be quite genuine, I understand. But I still insist, teach your child how to eat. It will be one time effort. Later the child will enjoy eating and parents will be more than happy telling his/her friends that his/her child has food by himself/herself.

This is just one example. There could be many bigger problems in our children's life. We can't stand by them every time. They have to fight by themselves. If we would have taught them the basics, our child will give a try before coming for a help.

The Pinch

The 14% VAT is killing me since it has come into existence. Whenever I eat out, there is at least Rs 100/- I pay as tax. If the restaurant adds service tax then it comes up to 20%. This is too much.

When I get my salary, it is taxed before reaching my account. I am spend the taxed money, again I need to pay VAT, Service tax etc. I am not earning here, instead spending. I clearly don't understand who brought this. If at all you want to get more tax, charge it on the person who is earning and not spending.

Now when a person starts earning, he should start publishing "I started paying tax" instead of "I started earning". So funny.

This is pinching me hard. 

When I started earning, my savings were nil and never did I enjoy tasting different food. Now that I am earning a bit more, tax is just killing my enthusiasm to explore my options.

This government hogs on people's hard earned money and don't even have the courtesy to utilize it in a useful way. There is never going to be an end to common man's problems.

The Contenders

This post seems a bit odd. Don't know if I really wanted to publish it, but yet.....yes.

These are the next contenders for my parking yard.

Audi Q3

Audi Q3 because it's stunning. All my choices first go on the looks and equally they have to be good in specifications. Looks is what appeals to me more first. I should feel the "Love at first sight" :)

Though it is little beyond by budget, is still a contender. I can go a little crazy sometimes and take extreme decisions.

Mercedes A class

Had never liked Mercedes line till now. But the new A-class is barking my attention to a large extent. This is going to be launched on 30th May. Well well well.....its sleek, sporty and looks very aggressive.

BMW X3

 I had to pick a BMW because of its brand. And by price and looks, this one is better than other models. There are definitely better than X3, but are too expensive. But to be frank, this would be my last choice in the list.

Ford Eco Sport

 Phew, most likely I am gonna have this. The Eco sport has attracted me and I have loved it from first sight. It perfectly fits in all aspects for me and my family.

Renault Duster

 This was too, equally, the best fit in my budget and I still fall for its looks. But alas, N doesn't like it for unknown reasons.

Volkswagen Taigun

There would have been a tough fight between Eco sport and Taigun, if the later had a launch date of 2013. As per news, its launch date is 2016 :P

Coonoor-Masinagudi trip

Finally the trip happened after a lot of see-saw of yes and no. It marked couple of events - our 6th Anniversary, Chinni's summer vacation and a long pending wish of visiting Ooty.

The trip was refreshing. We stayed at Coonoor for a night and in Masinagudi Jungle for a night. There was campfire as well in Masinagudi stay.

And then we stopped over in Mysore for a zoo walk. Chinni loved that. She was so enthusiastic that she walked over 2 kms and had a look at most of the animals. The funny thing was, the next day she comes and tells me that horses and donkeys were missing in the zoo :)

Update : Another upload I forgot, but a video, where Chinni is enjoying with the bubbles, as usual. She has this unusual craze for the bubbles and the video explains it very well. And more over I loved the video for its quality, you wouldn't believe if I said I shot it with my mobile!

The Concern

Dad was walking towards bedroom and suddenly he felt like loosing his balance. He stood holding a wall looking at which I reached him and walked him till his bed.

Chinni saw this and followed me. She was curious as ever. Question popped up immediately "what happened to ajja?". I explained her that ajja was about to fall. She was silent for half a minute with a worried gesture. 

Then came the concern "you should walk carefully ajja"!!!!

I was stunned and at the same time I smiled.

Poor Chinni or poor wifey?

It was just another shopping Saturday. On the way back to home Chinni had filled her tummy with 4 idlis resulting in sleepy mood. She asked N to tell her stories. And this request for stories is increasing day by day.

Now N doesn't know much of stories and diverted her mind with some other talk. Chinni insisted for stories, but N said "I don't know stories".

Now can you guess what could be Chinni's response ? It was unbelievable and quite astonishing.

"ಮತ್ತೆ ಬೇರೆ ಯಾರು ಹೇಳಬೇಕು ನನ್ನಗೆ ?"

Translating it to English "but who else will tell me if not you?"

Why do you want to eat all chocolates?

Chinni finished dinner yesterday and had 3-4 chocolates in her hand. As soon as she drank water, started eating one after the other chocolates without leaving any gap. 

I asked why are you eating all of them? you can eat them tomorrow.

She wisely replies - somebody else may eat them!

Dad, you are great

As we were getting out of the hospital room, Dad stopped at the another patient he was sharing the room with and says "I am also a CML patient since 10 years, look at me. Don't worry, you will be alright". And I smiled.

The other person was a young lad with no hair, possibly lost them during Chemotherapy. Even though Dad is suffering so much, he showed a sliver lining to the budding lad.

You are great Dad!

Bheemeshwari Outing

Will remember this outing basically for the adventure I did, Zip-Line.

Zip-Line is hanging on to a rope and dropping down, with all the safety measures in place, since I am a citizen and not a commando :)

So, first I had a climb up a tree and then slide down by a swaying rope around 40 feet above the ground. I saw all my colleagues doing it and claiming it to be easy. Me too felt the same. I just agreed and climbed up the tree.

As soon I reached the top, I was totally surprised by the depth and literally got scared. Told this instructor that I am not going to do it. He tried to convince me but failed. Then he tried to blackmail me saying I can't get down until the remaining have finished. I just stepped back and kept staring at the depth, while one  of my colleagues slide through the rope. I could some how gather courage and agreed.

And I did it. The first 2 seconds before start were scary, but once I started sliding everything was fine. I enjoyed it.

I am really trying life, out of my comfort zone.

Saturday Morning Questionnaire

My little princess wakes me on a Saturday morning at 8 am saying "sun is shining, wake up". There is no other go, I just had to wake up and start having a conversation with her. Or it has to be N who has to start playing with her.

So the last Saturday, she woke me up with her dialogue. And the conversation started. I don't know why it started, but she just popped up a question and it went something like this

ಚಿನ್ನಿ : ಕಿವಿ ವೊಳಗೆ ಏನು ಇದೆ ?
ಪಪ್ಪಾ : ಕಿವಿ ವಳಗೆ "ear drum" ಇದೆ
ಚಿನ್ನಿ : "drum" ಯಾರು ಬಾರಿಸುತಾರೆ

Translated version
Chinni: What is inside ear ?
Pappa: There is ear drum
Chinni: Who beats ear drum?

I just couldn't stop myself laughing.

The questions didn't stop. I don't know how these kids get such questions. They think out of the box and I don't even do it at my office. If I start thinking like that and put some thoughts at work, in no time I will become architect.

ಚಿನ್ನಿ : ಕಣ್ಣು ವೊಳಗೆ ಏನು ಇದೆ  ?
ಪಪ್ಪಾ : ರೇಟಿನ ಇದೆ
ಚಿನ್ನಿ: ಚರ್ಮಾ ತೋರಿಸಿ , ಇದರ ವೊಳಗೆ ಏನು ಇದೆ ?
ಪಪ್ಪಾ : "bone" ಇದೆ

And a lot more questions, which I forgot before penning it down here :(. Too bad I am.

Definitely my genes

I have noticed this with a lot of friends/colleagues. Or may be its me who is only into this, I thought, till couple of days back.

I tend to wait for people to come and join, even after an event, could be after lunch, shopping etc etc. For eg: I go with colleagues for lunch. After the lunch, they just leave without waiting for others to come. I feel its a bit awkward, others may not.

We visited a friend over the weekend. Chinni was also with us, obviously. Chinni got mingled with my friend and his wife in about 10 minutes, that was little fast than normal. Spent some more time with them and I decided to drop them to a near by restaurant. We all started towards my car, while my friend's wife was locking door and was left behind.

As we started moving, Chinni noticed that my friend's wife is left behind and said "ಆಂಟಿ ಬರಲಿ , ಎಲ್ಲರೂ ವೇಟ್   ಮಾಡಿ " (let aunty also join us, wait).

I smiled :)

Chinni's 4th Birthday

Chinni loved her 4th Birthday celebration. Lot of friends, lot of gifts and lot of noise :) Here are few snaps of the celebration (posting these a bit late, but still it would remind me of the occasion in later years)

Iksha and N did the honors	This is my personal fav pic
She tried to blew the candle so many times, funny moment
N's friend	As usual, she likes to taste it first
Barbie Cake	This is actual cake cutting
Nitya n Saroja	Nidhi, Nitya's daughter

A milestone in my life

This day, 12-Jan-2013, will be written with golden letters. In fact, I have already writing them :)

Why ?

I run 1 kilometer non-stop for the first time in my life today.

This is the preparation for the TCS World 10K Bangalore Marathon, which happens during May, every year. Hoping to run complete 10Kms.